Windsor, ON – A recent study by the University of Windsor has found that all the mysteries and problems of the world have already been solved inside the comments section of the Windsor Star. A steady stream of regular posters to the comments section of the newspaper have literally reviewed, commented on and actually solved all of the world’s problems with their Facebook posts.
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Windsor, ON – Local activist, Kyle Cole, of Windsor was caught not protesting anything this past weekend. Said the 24 year-old University of Windsor political science major “I was just burned out on making signs and attending marches and protests. So last weekend I decided I needed a break”.
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Bespin, Cloud City – Emperor Palpatine introduced his new carbonite tax this week that will be placed on all of the citizens of his galactic empire. “I got the idea from Kathleen Wynne actually” said the Emperor to gathered media “she got away with introducing a new carbon tax in her empire so I figured, why not a carbonite tax in mine? That lady really knows how to run an empire. I’m a big fan.”
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Windsor, ON – Chris Danielson of Windsor has announced an end to all of his New Year’s resolutions on Tuesday. “I tried very hard to keep up with my goals but they weren’t realistic I guess” said Danielson as he made his way to Good Life Fitness to try and cancel the gym membership he purchased on January 3rd.
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Windsor, ON – Jason Whitlock of Windsor, Ontario began his new year by finally closing his MySpace account. “I haven’t had a friend or add request in seven years so I decided it was time to let it go” Mr. Whitlock advised while doing one last check on his MySpace page on Sunday morning.
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Windsor, ON – Ashley Helms of Windsor is not having a very good Christmas season. For the past six years Ashley and a group of friends have exchanged Christmas gifts with one another. This year Ashley has been left holding the bag on the one present that has been re-gifted for the last five years. The Navage.
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