Bespin, Cloud City – Emperor Palpatine introduced his new carbonite tax this week that will be placed on all of the citizens of his galactic empire. “I got the idea from Kathleen Wynne actually” said the Emperor to gathered media “she got away with introducing a new carbon tax in her empire so I figured, why not a carbonite tax in mine? That lady really knows how to run an empire. I’m a big fan.”
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Windsor, ON – Chris Danielson of Windsor has announced an end to all of his New Year’s resolutions on Tuesday. “I tried very hard to keep up with my goals but they weren’t realistic I guess” said Danielson as he made his way to Good Life Fitness to try and cancel the gym membership he purchased on January 3rd.
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Windsor, ON – Jason Whitlock of Windsor, Ontario began his new year by finally closing his MySpace account. “I haven’t had a friend or add request in seven years so I decided it was time to let it go” Mr. Whitlock advised while doing one last check on his MySpace page on Sunday morning.
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