Windsor, ON – A boat tucked away on a driveway in east Windsor speculated this past weekend that it may not get in the water this year.   “It’s coming up on October and I have been parked in this driveway since August, 2020.   I’m starting to think I’m not going into a river or lake this year” the boat remarked on Sunday afternoon.

Windsor, ON – Local backyard pool enthusiast Mike Williams was giddy with excitement this week as he told friends and family that the Prime Minister had called for all Canadians to head to their pools on Monday, September 20^th.   “We’ve been through a lot with this pandemic stuff and I think it is great that the Prime Minister has called for a national pool day” Mr. Williams explained to media members gathered on his front lawn.

Windsor, ON – A long overdue home improvement project ran into delays ahead of the long weekend when homeowner Mark Buchman, age 35, of Windsor turned on his television and discovered a Mission Impossible movie marathon playing.  “I swear I was just going to put the TV on as background noise and suddenly six hours went by” Mr. Buchman said as he sat with his feet up on the living room coffee table.

Windsor, ON – Jerry Richmond, age 51, of Windsor has come to the realization that years spent in the Ontario public school system learning the Dewey Decimal system may have been a waste.  “It just kind of hit me the other day that after tenth or eleventh grade I never needed the Dewey Decimal system again.  Never used it again in my entire life” Mr. Richmond announced on social media over the weekend.

Windsor, ON – A Windsor man who did not want to give his name reported to media outlets on Thursday that he bought a greeting card at a local Walmart even though the greeting card section was roped off as being non-essential at the store.  “I know I shouldn’t have done it and to be honest it was kind of exhilarating” the rebellious shopper breathlessly said as he explained his purchase.

Windsor, ON – Four weeks into the latest pandemic lockdown in Ontario local man, Karl Fritz, was relieved to find out that he could still get a six-pack of his favourite donuts at the grocery store. “I’d been hearing that they were roping off sections at the stores to limit what you can or cannot purchase.   You have no idea the feeling of relief that swept over me when I realized I could still get my donuts” Mr. Fritz said on Wednesday as he exited the store.