Muted 2021 St. Patrick’s Day celebration finds Windsor man drunk at home

Windsor, ON – Every year on March 17th when everyone is just a little bit Irish Brad Owens, age 63, of Windsor heads out on a pub crawl to celebrate but due to COVID-19 Mr. Owens 2021 St. Patrick’s Day plans had to be altered. The once-a-year Irishman explained “I’m usually downtown at one of the pubs yelling at Tartan Army to play Danny Boy by noon hour every St. Paddy’s Day but this year I’m at home.”

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Local dog to petition court for name change

Windsor, ON – A dog living in the east-end of Windsor announced today that he plans to petition the courts for a name change.   When speaking to gathered media the two-year-old canine explained his position “Spot?   Seriously?  I moved in with these people last year and they started calling me Spot.  Why?   Because I have a spot on my fur!  What a stereotype!   How lazy can they be?  After consulting an attorney I feel I have no other option but to pursue this matter through the courts.”

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Local man realizes he is old after not recognizing Super Bowl halftime show performer

Windsor, ON –  Two minutes into the start of the Super Bowl halftime show Kevin Wilson, age 51, of Windsor realized he was old and somewhat out of touch.  “It came as a complete surprise to me.  I’ve always considered myself kind of a hip guy but I had no idea who The Weeknd was or any of his songs.  In fact leading up to him coming out on stage I thought The Weeknd was probably a group like The Beatles or The Foo Fighters” a downtrodden Wilson said after the game ended.

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