Windsor, ON – Fred Lamont of Windsor has gone on an 18 month dry spell. Despite his best efforts on E-Harmony, Match.com and Plenty of Fish Mr. Lamont has been unable to consummate a relationship with a new lady friend. At a press conference this week the would-be-Romeo announced that he was now abstaining from sex.
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Windsor, ON – Windsor City Councilman Frank Edwards has come up with what he describes as the perfect solution to the controversy over the Pelissier Street parking garage. “I’m putting forward a proposal to move the parking garage over to the Windsor Family Credit Union Centre parking lot. Brick by brick, spot by spot, we’ll move the entire garage over to the WFCU Centre” said a beaming councilman on Thursday.
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Windsor, ON – In addition to the parking spaces being added on the ground floor of the Pelissier Street parking structure City Council approved a plan this week to add 28000 more spots in the downtown core. Councilman Frank Edwards made the official announcement on Thursday at City Hall “Our goal is to one day have a parking spot available downtown for every car that is licensed in Windsor”.
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Windsor, ON – David Hanson of Windsor, Ontario proudly announced to his friends last week that he has finished his Christmas shopping early this year. Since that time every conversation, social media update and correspondence completed by the happy shopper has included a reference to his shopping prowess.
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Windsor, ON – It has been close to three years since Windsor’s infamous Penis-Bush Bandit has struck and Windsor resident Jeff Morris is hopeful for a return. “I’ve missed seeing my hometown mentioned on Jimmy Kimmel and Steven Colbert’s shows. We were in the news a lot in 2013 for our penis bushes. It was a fun time for Windsor” said Morris lamenting a lack of ridicule directed at the city.
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Windsor, ON – Aaron Rexall of Windsor, Ontario was surprised to learn on Monday that he can’t vote in the U.S. election as he is a Canadian citizen and has never had any affiliation with the United States. “I’ve spent the last year updating my Facebook and Twitter accounts with all my political thoughts and ideas on the U.S. election. I was planning on voting for Donald Trump but a friend told me today that I’m not eligible no matter how many posts I place on social media” said a disappointed Rexall.
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