Windsor, ON – A local dog who goes by the name Archie was relieved to hear the news this week that his owner who he identified as a woman named Sharon was returning to her job. “Thank, God! I’ve been locked up with this woman for the better part of three months and I was at my breaking point.”

Windsor, ON – The COVID-19 pandemic has provided a local man with an idea that he thinks will be the next great dating website. Michael Borden, age 44 of Windsor, announced his plans to gathered media on Saturday “The first of it’s kind, a dating website for people who are serious about social distancing!”

Windsor, ON – Peter Brock, age 44, of Windsor announced on his weekly Zoom video-conference with extended family and friends that he would finally be opening the package of toilet paper he purchased on March 11th. “I’m pretty excited about this. My over-reacting and hoarding is finally going to pay off!” Mr. Brock said on Saturday.

Windsor, ON – Daniel Brooks, age 28, of Windsor has been on lay-off from his job since March 22nd and was initially struggling to fill the time during the day until a series of social media tasks came his way on Facebook and Instagram “I live alone and was doing my part for social distancing and didn’t have much to do then all of a sudden it is like I have full-time job again”.

Windsor, ON – Three weeks into the COVID-19 home-self-quarantine and a new relationship is in trouble “We only met in December and moved in together in February but I thought I knew James pretty well but then he came home with a can of Pringles for movie night and he poured them into a bowl” a distraught Sarah Conway, of Windsor, reported on Saturday evening.

Windsor, ON – Oliver Roberts, age 36, of Windsor thinks some of the worst fall-out from the Covid-19 virus will occur tomorrow, April 1st, on all social media platforms “It will probably start late on March 31st. Everyone will start sharing jokes, memes and bad puns about the virus. I may have to stay off of Facebook for the next few days”.