Hockey fan hoping for stick measurement in Stanley Cup Final

Windsor, ON – Self-described hockey-nut Martin Lundy, age 49, of Windsor is hoping to see something very specific during tonight’s Game Six of the Stanley Cup Final between the Dallas Stars and the Tampa Bay Lightning a stick-measurement call. “It has been forever since we’ve seen a good stick measurement during the Stanley Cup finals” said Mr. Lundy ahead of the puck-drop tonight.

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Local dog forming anti-muzzle group

Windsor, ON – A dog in Windsor is calling out the government for their muzzle-mandate. Identifying himself only as Charlie, the local canine said he was tired of the government infringing on his rights “I shouldn’t have to wear a muzzle if I don’t want too.  The government can’t tell me what to do no matter how much it assists in overall public safety” Charlie announced to gathered media on Wednesday.

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Anti-mask advocate looking forward to picking out a Halloween costume

Windsor, ON – George Preston, age 51, of Windsor, Ontario has been adamant that he should not have to wear a mask to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 because of his mistaken belief that a mask will restrict his oxygen intake but recently announced that he is really looking forward to picking out a new Halloween mask this year. 

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