Irony-based police division towing parking enforcement vehicles

Windsor, ON – A new unit has been established within the Windsor Police force to deal with crimes that are deemed to be ironic in nature.      Staff Sergeant Trent Gill announced on Wednesday that the unit would be diligently tackling irony in Windsor and the related ironic crimes and would be starting with parking enforcement vehicles.
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Six-year-old boy announces new Windsor-Detroit bridge project

Windsor, ON – Jacob Haskins, age six, of Windsor, Ontario announced plans Wednesday morning for a new bridge connecting Canada and the United States that he will be building entirely out of Lego-bricks.  “I’ve seen in the news recently that the Gordie Howe Bridge project will be held up another two or three years and the Moroun family got their go-ahead to begin construction on a twin-span for the Ambassador Bridge so I thought the time was right for me to announce my intentions of building a bridge connecting Windsor and Detroit entirely of Legos” Jacob said at a hastily called news conference.
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Next 100-year storm due to hit next July

Windsor, ON – The city of Windsor, having been hit with so-called100-year storms in both 2016 and 2017, was told by meteorologists today to expect the next 100-year storm in July 2018.   100-year storms are defined as severe weather occurrences that happen once a century.  “We’re fairly confident in our forecast given that the 100-year storms are now occurring every eleven months” said Chief Meteorologist Dan Regan on Wednesday.
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So called Jenga champion has epic fail at grocery store

Windsor, ON – Matt Foster, aged 35, of Windsor, Ontario who holds a family game night record of 371 consecutive Jenga victories over friends and family had a decidedly bad experience while grocery shopping this past weekend.   As Foster entered the grocery store he paused at the pop-display pyramid to apply his Jenga skills to retrieving a case of Coca-Cola when things went awry.
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