Windsor, ON – George Preston, age 51, of Windsor, Ontario has been adamant that he should not have to wear a mask to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 because of his mistaken belief that a mask will restrict his oxygen intake but recently announced that he is really looking forward to picking out a new Halloween mask this year. 

Windsor, ON – Richard Johnson, age 48, of Windsor says he will not wear a mask when the Health Unit’s mandate that face coverings be worn when entering commercial establishments goes into effect on Friday.  “I refuse to wear a mask.   Where does the government get off telling me to wear a mask?” an angry Johnson said on Thursday.

Windsor, ON  –  A rift has occurred in a local Facebook conspiracy theory group with one side labeling the COVID-19 pandemic a ‘Plandemic’ and the other side preferring to call it a ‘Scamdemic’.  “It is clearly a Scamdemic” said Graham Jones the group’s Facebook administrator on a Zoom chat on Tuesday morning.

Windsor, ON – A local dog who goes by the name Archie was relieved to hear the news this week that his owner who he identified as a woman named Sharon was returning to her job. “Thank, God! I’ve been locked up with this woman for the better part of three months and I was at my breaking point.”

Windsor, ON – The COVID-19 pandemic has provided a local man with an idea that he thinks will be the next great dating website. Michael Borden, age 44 of Windsor, announced his plans to gathered media on Saturday “The first of it’s kind, a dating website for people who are serious about social distancing!”

Windsor, ON – Peter Brock, age 44, of Windsor announced on his weekly Zoom video-conference with extended family and friends that he would finally be opening the package of toilet paper he purchased on March 11th. “I’m pretty excited about this. My over-reacting and hoarding is finally going to pay off!” Mr. Brock said on Saturday.