Windsor, ON – A local smartphone revealed on Friday that he isn’t actually all that smart. Dan the Smartphone came forward with the startling revelation that he is just making up most answers he gives. “When someone asks me what is ten plus ten I answer twenty. No problem. But when someone asks what 201 times 840 I just guess at the answer. No ever asks me to show my work so I’ve gotten away with it for years”.
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Windsor, ON – Chris Taylor, age 38 of Windsor, has recently discovered the idea of friends-with-benefits but hasn’t quite grasped the concept completely. Mr. Taylor reports that during a weekly get together with his pals over beers last Friday the conversation turned to having friends-with-benefits. One of Chris’s friends advised he had a friend-with- benefits and was having sex once or twice a week.
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Windsor, ON – The remains of a couch were discovered on Windsor’s east side on Tuesday afternoon. Witnesses said the couch had actually been sitting outside since the weekend but it wasn’t until it was overturned that nearby residents realized that the couch was dead.
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Windsor, ON – Carl Anderson, age 48, of Windsor is dealing with feelings of complete despair and devastation after missing an opportunity to purchase a bag of Lay’s Salt & Vinegar flavoured Ruffles. “They haven’t had them out since 2008 and I saw them when I was walking out of Zehr’s last weekend but figured I could buy them this week. I went back to the store but they were all gone” said the clearly distraught Anderson.
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Windsor, ON – The inevitable has happened. After starting a new construction project on Tecumseh Road East this past week the city of Windsor has completely depleted its inventory of orange and black construction barrels. There aren’t any barrels available for any new projects.
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Windsor, ON – City councillor Frank Edwards announced his plans this week to submit a proposal to city council to re-build the Peabody Bridge on Riverside Drive at the corner of Riverside Drive East and Devonshire Road. The original Peabody Bridge, a short overpass of railroad tracks near Hiram Walkers, was demolished in 1992 to allow for multiple lanes of traffic to proceed on the riverfront.
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