Windsor, ON – Windsor Spitfires season ticket holder Brian Banner, age 41, thinks he knows why the Spitfires have been struggling lately “They aren’t listening to me. I’m yelling instructions during the play and not one player on the team listens to my advice”.
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Windsor, ON – Windsor resident Ed Freeman, age 48, presented the results of his weight loss program this week with admittedly poor outcomes. “I just don’t get it. I’ve been on this program for two entire weeks and have actually gained weight. It is frustrating because I’m all about healthy eating and exercise” Mr. Freeman reported.
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Windsor, ON – In a surprising new study local experts have declared bacon to better than broccoli. “We spent at least two weeks researching this and did a blind taste test among several demographics. Fourth, fifth and sixth graders were part of our study and bacon won out every time” announced science fair participant Kenny Tyson, age 11, of William G. Davis public school.
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Windsor, ON – A 1986 Dodge Caravan was spotted this week apparently headed from Windsor, Ontario to Detroit, Michigan. This marks the first time a Caravan was reported attempting to cross the border in 2019. The driver advises that he was just going to a Detroit Red Wings game but suspicions remain.
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Windsor, ON – Councilman Frank Edwards announced today that in his opinion Windsor should opt-out of having future Cinnabon stores in the downtown core. “There is the location at Devonshire Mall and four other Cinnabon stores within driving distance in the Detroit area. I don’t feel there is a need for a Cinnabon store in downtown Windsor” Edwards said on Monday.
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Windsor, ON – James Gibson, age 38, from Windsor is not having a very good holiday season. Mr. Gibson hasn’t seen anything that truly offends him on television or social media this year. “Most of my friends have complained about something but I just can’t relate. It’s very frustrating to not have something to bitch about during the holidays”.
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