Windsor, ON – Since March Chad Lancaster has been unable to participate in his favorite leisure activity of speaking to women in bars in the hopes of finding a new hook-up. “I’ve spent years perfecting my technique” Mr. Lancaster proudly stated to gathered media on Thursday.

Windsor, ON – You’ve heard of the Dirty Sanchez, the Twitter-Bang and the Pearl Necklace but did you know that Windsor, Ontario is home to several unique sexual positions? Counting down from 10 to 1 here’s the Top Ten Sexual Positions from Windsor, Ontario.

Windsor, ON – George Preston, age 51, of Windsor, Ontario has been adamant that he should not have to wear a mask to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 because of his mistaken belief that a mask will restrict his oxygen intake but recently announced that he is really looking forward to picking out a new Halloween mask this year. 

Windsor, ON – Richard Johnson, age 48, of Windsor says he will not wear a mask when the Health Unit’s mandate that face coverings be worn when entering commercial establishments goes into effect on Friday.  “I refuse to wear a mask.   Where does the government get off telling me to wear a mask?” an angry Johnson said on Thursday.

Windsor, ON  –  A rift has occurred in a local Facebook conspiracy theory group with one side labeling the COVID-19 pandemic a ‘Plandemic’ and the other side preferring to call it a ‘Scamdemic’.  “It is clearly a Scamdemic” said Graham Jones the group’s Facebook administrator on a Zoom chat on Tuesday morning.

Windsor, ON – A local dog who goes by the name Archie was relieved to hear the news this week that his owner who he identified as a woman named Sharon was returning to her job. “Thank, God! I’ve been locked up with this woman for the better part of three months and I was at my breaking point.”