Windsor, ON – Since March Chad Lancaster has been unable to participate in his favorite leisure activity of speaking to women in bars in the hopes of finding a new hook-up. “I’ve spent years perfecting my technique” Mr. Lancaster proudly stated to gathered media on Thursday.
Mr. Lancaster elaborated on the current situation “I think Windsor needs to move to Stage 3. Our cases are coming down, the local economy could use the boost and most importantly I’ve spent almost five months working on my new pick-up lines.” When asked for examples Mr. Lancaster was eager to try out his new material “How’s this one? Hey baby can I wash your hands for 20 seconds. Or how how about this one? Hey baby you smell so good is that Purell you’re wearing? If those don’t work I’ll use this one. We might be in Stage 3 but I’m really looking forward to Stage 69.”
A follow-up with women who have interacted with Mr. Lancaster in the past said that they too are looking forward to Stage 3 and are also grateful that social distancing will be enforced keeping him at least two metres away.