Windsor, ON – A Windsor man who did not want to give his name reported to media outlets on Thursday that he bought a greeting card at a local Walmart even though the greeting card section was roped off as being non-essential at the store. “I know I shouldn’t have done it and to be honest it was kind of exhilarating” the rebellious shopper breathlessly said as he explained his purchase.
The rogue shopper went into further detail about his shopping expedition “A friend’s 40th birthday is coming up and I just found out that greeting cards are not essential but I had my eye on a specific card so I decided to take a chance. I waited until no one was around and slowly approached the greeting card section and when no one was looking I grabbed the card. I immediately headed to the grocery section and grabbed some bags of potato chips to cover up the birthday card in my shopping cart.”
The non-essential purchaser concluded his plan at the self-checkout “I also grabbed a box of condoms. I’m not having sex with anyone these days but I thought if an employee asked about the greeting card I would start loudly asking questions about the price of condoms as a distraction. Luckily no one caught me and I got to purchase the birthday card. I’ve been following all the lockdown and pandemic guidelines and got my first COVID vaccine but I’ll be honest I’d really like the greeting card restriction lifted. I’m not sure I can take this kind stressful retail experience again any time soon and I have no idea what I am going to do with all these condoms.”