Windsor, ON – Four weeks into the latest pandemic lockdown in Ontario local man, Karl Fritz, was relieved to find out that he could still get a six-pack of his favourite donuts at the grocery store. “I’d been hearing that they were roping off sections at the stores to limit what you can or cannot purchase. You have no idea the feeling of relief that swept over me when I realized I could still get my donuts” Mr. Fritz said on Wednesday as he exited the store.
Mr. Fritz commented later that he understood the reasoning behind the lockdown but that it is causing some stress at home “My kid keeps bugging me for some crayons but I’ve told him repeatedly that crayons are not essential and based on what the government is telling us crayons must be related to COVID super-spreader events otherwise the Premier would let kids have crayons. Doug Ford is just doing what is best for everyone. After all he is the first politician who kept his campaign promise about a buck-a-beer so clearly he must know what is best during a pandemic.”
When asked about navigating the next few weeks of the lockdown Mr. Fritz said he had a plan “I’ll keep wearing my mask, maintaining social distance, eating my donuts and if my daughter really needs new running shoes like my wife says she does I’ll just go to the store, buy some chocolate syrup, pour it on the shoes and then they’ll be essential too. Covered in chocolatey goodness and essential.”