Windsor man realizes that learning the Dewey Decimal system has not helped him in life

Windsor, ON – Jerry Richmond, age 51, of Windsor has come to the realization that years spent in the Ontario public school system learning the Dewey Decimal system may have been a waste.  “It just kind of hit me the other day that after tenth or eleventh grade I never needed the Dewey Decimal system again.  Never used it again in my entire life” Mr. Richmond announced on social media over the weekend.

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Local man goes rogue buys non-essential greeting card at Walmart

Windsor, ON – A Windsor man who did not want to give his name reported to media outlets on Thursday that he bought a greeting card at a local Walmart even though the greeting card section was roped off as being non-essential at the store.  “I know I shouldn’t have done it and to be honest it was kind of exhilarating” the rebellious shopper breathlessly said as he explained his purchase.

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Windsor man relieved that double-chocolate donuts are still essential

Windsor, ON – Four weeks into the latest pandemic lockdown in Ontario local man, Karl Fritz, was relieved to find out that he could still get a six-pack of his favourite donuts at the grocery store. “I’d been hearing that they were roping off sections at the stores to limit what you can or cannot purchase.   You have no idea the feeling of relief that swept over me when I realized I could still get my donuts” Mr. Fritz said on Wednesday as he exited the store.

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Garden gnome lists shed at $118,000 in red hot real estate market

Windsor, ON – A local garden gnome, who goes by the name Curtis, listed his shed for sale in the Fountainebleau neighbourhood on Windsor’s east-side at a staggering $118,000 on Friday morning this week.  “I’m seeing how hot the real estate market is and I think it is time to cash-in” Curtis said prior to listing his home.

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Muted 2021 St. Patrick’s Day celebration finds Windsor man drunk at home

Windsor, ON – Every year on March 17th when everyone is just a little bit Irish Brad Owens, age 63, of Windsor heads out on a pub crawl to celebrate but due to COVID-19 Mr. Owens 2021 St. Patrick’s Day plans had to be altered. The once-a-year Irishman explained “I’m usually downtown at one of the pubs yelling at Tartan Army to play Danny Boy by noon hour every St. Paddy’s Day but this year I’m at home.”

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Local dog to petition court for name change

Windsor, ON – A dog living in the east-end of Windsor announced today that he plans to petition the courts for a name change.   When speaking to gathered media the two-year-old canine explained his position “Spot?   Seriously?  I moved in with these people last year and they started calling me Spot.  Why?   Because I have a spot on my fur!  What a stereotype!   How lazy can they be?  After consulting an attorney I feel I have no other option but to pursue this matter through the courts.”

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