Windsor, ON – Two minutes into the start of the Super Bowl halftime show Kevin Wilson, age 51, of Windsor realized he was old and somewhat out of touch. “It came as a complete surprise to me. I’ve always considered myself kind of a hip guy but I had no idea who The Weeknd was or any of his songs. In fact leading up to him coming out on stage I thought The Weeknd was probably a group like The Beatles or The Foo Fighters” a downtrodden Wilson said after the game ended.
Mr. Wilson continued “It kept bothering me during the third and fourth quarter. I couldn’t even enjoy the rest of the game. I mean I’m only eight years older than Tom Brady and I’ll bet he knows who The Weeknd is. I stopped watching near the end of the game so I could Google The Weeknd’s name. I feel so out of touch.”
After lamenting great halftime shows of the past with Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty Mr. Wilson has resigned himself to the fact that he has become an old guy. When asked what this realization meant for his life going forward Mr. Wilson responded “I guess I’ll be headed out later this week to get a case of Ensure, go shopping for slippers and buy Matlock the complete series on DVD. And starting tomorrow I’m going to start yelling at kids to stay off my lawn. It’s over. I’m an old guy.”