Windsor, ON – It has been close to three years since Windsor’s infamous Penis-Bush Bandit has struck and Windsor resident Jeff Morris is hopeful for a return. “I’ve missed seeing my hometown mentioned on Jimmy Kimmel and Steven Colbert’s shows. We were in the news a lot in 2013 for our penis bushes. It was a fun time for Windsor” said Morris lamenting a lack of ridicule directed at the city.
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Windsor, ON – Aaron Rexall of Windsor, Ontario was surprised to learn on Monday that he can’t vote in the U.S. election as he is a Canadian citizen and has never had any affiliation with the United States. “I’ve spent the last year updating my Facebook and Twitter accounts with all my political thoughts and ideas on the U.S. election. I was planning on voting for Donald Trump but a friend told me today that I’m not eligible no matter how many posts I place on social media” said a disappointed Rexall.
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Windsor, ON – Life-long professional wrestling fan, Dennis Grayson of Windsor, Ontario thinks he knows why the Cleveland Indians lost the World Series this week, he believes that the Indians manager, Terry Francona, should have taken a page out of Bobby ‘the Brain’ Heenan’s playbook and distracted the umpire more frequently during the game.
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Windsor, ON – Colin Clarke’s fascination with the World Series is fast becoming a problem in his relationship. “When it started it was kind of cute, he’d talk about getting to second base” said Mr. Clarke’s girlfriend Stacey Jones of Windsor. “But lately it is getting to be too much” she explained during a recent media session.
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Windsor, ON – Dave Richards of Windsor opened a portal to an alternate dimension this past week while attempting to put together his new book-shelf that he purchased from IKEA. “I really don’t know how it happened. I was following the instructions the best I could. They said it would take approximately 60 minutes to build the book-shelf but after about 3 hours the portal to the other dimension opened in my living room” said a stunned Richards.
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Windsor, ON – Long-time Toronto Maple Leafs fans the Anderson family of Windsor announced this week that they were changing their family vacation plans for 2017 and will be attending the Maple Leafs Stanley Cup parade in downtown Toronto.
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